I learned an important lesson this evening. That lesson is this: sometimes, it really is ok to quit.
Granted, it's socially acceptable if the thing in question that you are quitting is smoking, or alcoholism or some other life threatening addiction: these are encouraged and applauded. However, when it's quitting a project that is a hobby, it can been seen as lazy, and you have a lack of patience.
In my case the latter may be true.......... ok ok, it is true in 99% of all instances. I have little patience for stupidity, little patience when it comes to something I want and have to wait. I'm definitely a child of the instant gratification age. I had patience once as a kid, when I was sick a dozen times a year and all I could do was be in bed and suffer. Patience then is not a virtue but a gift given to you that you either accept or wallow in. Then, as if by magic, I grew out of my sickliness stage and my patience flew out the window on to another child who may have needed it more than I did.
Then I learned (for the umpteenth time in my life mind you) how to knit, and my creative passion was inspired and a glimmer of the patience I used to have came back to me. That was, until I met this pattern: The Barbara Scarf. It was one of over a hundred patterns I've downloaded over the last few months. Storing away for the right time to knit something fabulous. Granted, it's a testament to my lack of patience that after 2 days, and 3 attempts at knitting this horrid pattern (really, it's just the frustration talking... as I'm sure it's a lovely pattern, give me a few days) I quit. Yet, after guidance and assistance from my beloved grandmother, and all 3 attempts (which took 5+ hours each time) yielding a different looking scarf, I knew it was time to throw in the proverbial towel.
The very definition of insanity is: Doing something the same way time and time again, and expecting a different outcome. Well this time I was doing something different time and time again, and expecting the proper outcome, and for some reason I couldn't figure out which part of the pattern I was entirely screwing up. Was it the seed stitch? Was it the cables: which normally I am AWESOME at if I do say so myself, or was it a combination of all of it?
I knew that if I was going to get this right it would mean getting more experience under my belt, and walking away now before I was so frustrated I would just give it all up entirely. Alright, not entirely, I haven't freecycled my way into nearly 50 skeins of yarn sitting on our couch just to give up knitting entirely. After all the knitting accoutrement's G'ma has gifted me in the last month I would expect her to disown me for quitting the craft entirely.
It boils down to this, quit the damn pattern before I go insane- and try it again later. It will still be there, and later, after I get more projects under my belt, after I regain a little more patience, after I have a pow-wow with my grandmother in person I'll try again. And this is OK. I'm not a loser, I'm not lazy and overall I'm not a quitter in life. I just have enough to stress about that I don't need to turn what I love, and what frees me from the stresses of every day life into something else that irritates me during the day.
So to all of you out there who are creators of things, I say this: allow yourself to quit once in awhile because it truly is the most freeing and forgivable act you can do for yourself. We all put pressure on ourselves to be perfect, but when we realize that we were born perfect in as such that our imperfections make us who we are, we don't need to be so hard on ourselves to squeeze a square peg into a round hole.
On that note, I'm going to make my grandmother something else, something beautiful, and something I'm 99% sure I won't quit on in the next few days. When that project is complete, I'll know this was just a phase and a challenge I was not yet ready to master. Obsessing over the mistakes you make only discourages you from seeing the things you are (or can) do right and do well.
Move on, be free, and smile! <3
Q.
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